When Dementia Enters Home: My Mother, Our Family, and the Unseen Struggles

14 March to 18th March 2009 were the most harrowing days for my mother and for the entire family.
She use to see a imaginary visual .. the visual use to make fun of her .. it started when she use to say that there is someone at the door .. making fun of her .. sometime it was in human form .. sometime in shape of animals be it goat .. monkey .. and sometime even snake .. many time a times it use to take the shape of an old woman .. old man .. kids crying .. most of it happened during nights after the lights went off .. it used to get triggered at around 1.45 (i m being precise) and went up to 5 in the morning .. as days passed .. she use to see that visual climbing here and there .. flying in and around her .. the turmoil which she went through in her mind .. fighting that imaginary visual .. there were nights when i have sat through having my hands stretched out with blanket to prevent her from seeing the visual .. but her visual was so strong .. she could see through that visual even through me ..
When this ailment hit her .. we knew nothing about the actual medical name of this disease .. we tried all sorts of remedy .. religious … homeopathic .. but her condition remained same .. three years passed without either we knowing or anybody telling us that these were the symptoms of a disease called Dementia.
There are different forms of Dementia but what Mom is suffering is called ‘Vascular Dementia’.
Her conditions day in and day out kept worsening .. her fears increasing .. her visual taking enormous form .. we kids and relatives didn’t know to cope with this situation .. as a son my heart sank as the lights went off as my thoughts were that now my moms fight with that demon will start and she will have to do that all alone without me or anyone supporting her or helping her in that lone battle of hers.
For 3 years every night exactly at 1.45 without fail .. she use to scream Humayun .. and i knew her time for battle has started .. sometime I went into her room .. sometime i didn’t .. kept working on my photographs .. listening everything which she use to speak to that Demon or visual .. sometime pestering him/her to go away .. many a time commanding him to leave .. I have also seen her pleading with folded hands speaking to someone on the chair next to her bed to “please stop harassing me .. pls go away”.
But every night she lost that battle and tht FKNG visual didn’t allow her to sleep .. not even a wink.
A day came – 14th March .. when all this got worsened … that day she realized that it’s either that visual or her .. either she defeats him or she gets defeated.
And she started to shout and kept on shouting on top of her voice for 3 days and night continuously without stopping even for a minute or a second.
My friends when i write this and I am not exaggerating .. she screamed non stop for 3 days and nights .. without food or water.
She threw her medicines .. yelled and gave bad words to one and all in our house .. that we are unable to control that visual and kicking him out of the house.
She asked for hot water to pour that onto that visual .. asking for a stick so that she can beat .. or a knife to kill him …
Her visual was so strong .. like human form .. right in front of her ..
For us it was just a visual but for my mom it was not a visual but a human form .. walking talking like anyone.
On all these 3 days .. we shut of all windows so that her voice shouldn’t disturb our neighbor’s and society.
My younger doter was in her 10th standard .. going through all this .. don’t know how she studied and secured 82 percent.
Her shouts and shrieks were so loud that people from neighboring buildings were popping their heads to know where the shouts are coming from.
In this mayhem .. someone suggested that we should without wasting any time seek a psychiatrist help and we contacted Dr. Sushil Nanaware.

On 18th of March .. Dr Sushil Nanaware walked into our house .. he walked in and the visual walked out. For us the worst got over when he entered our house like an angel.
I can never ever forget that day and that sight ever .. my mother shouting .. totally uncontrollable .. not wanting Doc and his boys come any near her .. Doc and his team had no option but tying her hands and legs to control her and taking her in the ambulance .. my family members and myself crying on the way my mother is being taken …

She was there in Dr. Sushil’s care for 2 weeks in the nursing home .. series of tests and medication followed .. today … exactly a year has passed without she seeing any visuals .. she sleeps peacefully .. she has become her old self .. no battle to fight with any demons in the night .. no more shouts and screams .. my mother is cured .. she is hale and hearty .. she laughs and smiles like old times .. One year of bliss, happiness and peace for all of us.
Allah has been kind to her and to us .. Allah bless Doc Sushil .. he is an angel in disguise ..
Hello Doc .. when I write this blog .. i have tears in my eyes … duas on my lips for you for what you have done for my mom .. for me and for my family.
My entire family prays for you always .. thanks .. abhar .. shukriya Doc Sushil for curing her.
Friends .. what we went through .. no one should .. God forbid but if u see any such traits in any near and dear once .. don’t waste time like how we did ..
Head straight to a phychiatrist.
Dementia can be cured .. albeit partially .. but can be .. with Doctors like Sushil Nanaware around .. Dementia can go to hell.

Dementia sirf ek bimaari nahi, balki ek imtihaan hai poore ghar ka — jazbaat ka, sabr ka aur mohabbat ka. Is safar mein har din naya sabak milta hai: yaadash kam ho sakti hai, lekin maa ka pyaar aur duaen kabhi kam nahi hoti.